Philosopher – … one sees the person who is irreplaceable and utterly unique in the world, just as he is…Not trying to change or manipulate the other person who is right in front of you. Accepting that person as he is without setting any conditions. There is no greater respect than this. Then, on being accepted by another person “as one is,” one is likely to gain great courage. And respect may also be regarded as the starting point of encouragement.”
(The Courage to be Happy)
The quote above is from an international bestseller, which is the sequel to another bestseller – The Courage to be Disliked; it got me thinking deeply about us as individuals, leading to the question – of whether we respect ourselves fully. What if the “other person” was us looking into a mirror? Do we accept ourselves as we are? Do we accept our life journeys? How many layers of social masks are we wearing when interacting with society?
Over the past few years, through a journey of self-awareness and deep reflection, I learned that we often neglect parts of our story when we journey to know who we are. We hide away parts in the closet of our minds, but we know they are still there, and these parts keep reminding us of their presence at different times. As I navigate through more years of life, I find that multiple threads weave into who I am – my journey, my dreams, my values, my stories, my metaphors and my people.
I love how author Beth Kempton captures this by writing
“Exploring our roots and getting a sense of the vast web of people and decisions and happening that led to this point, can help us honour where we have come from and all that we have been through while reminding us that what comes next is yet to be determined.”
(The Way of the Fearless Writer)
Cultivating self-awareness and acknowledging my stories helped me find belonging within myself. I believe this inner sense of belonging allowed me to navigate the complexities of life with resilience and authenticity – in essence, it grounded me and grounding yourself gives strength. And the quote I started with highlights that belonging is inextricably linked to respect – the respect you have for yourself by accepting yourself.
But finding true belonging can feel like an elusive quest, leaving many of us disconnected and adrift. Why is belonging so hard to find, and how can we cultivate a sense of belonging within ourselves? Brené Brown talks about how to find true belonging in her book Braving the Wilderness, and this quote captures the essence of true belonging:
True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are…
You do not negotiate true belonging externally; “it’s what you carry in your heart. It’s finding the sacredness in being part of something and braving the wilderness alone.”
Belonging is not a destination but an ongoing journey. It requires continuous self-reflection, growth, and connection. There will be times when we feel a strong sense of belonging, and sometimes when we feel disconnected. The key is to embrace the journey and trust that we are always worthy of love, connection, and belonging.
So, what does this journey of belonging look like for you?
Resources to further explore:
The Courage to be Happy by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown
Freedom Seeker by Beth Kempton
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